The best of Limbo.

Hello.

Long time no see.

What happened? What the hell happened? For now, passing judgement and answering that question seems like the stupid thing to do. Laying down mistakes and regrets seems like the easy thing to do. Finding and appreciating the little things around you without over thinking and thus putting things on hold - well that just seems like the perfect thing to do.

Looking down: rock bottom seems like the one place I mustn't get myself into. Being there now and looking up: I've been there all along. Family, friends, home, moderation and ease. Accepting or acknowledging these things just never came to my mind. Why? <---- who the phuck cares? this is a question that drags many people back. Especially me. Over sensitivity mixed with a quest for unrealistic success really phucks you up.

After exams finished, I didn't know what to do with myself, even though I fooled myself into thinking I did. A cluster full of unreachable goals just fuelled by hope and the prospect of unbelievable amounts of time. But to a procrastinator, a minute isn't even worth a penny and is therefore worthless. How can you respect something with  no value? I had no value for time. We all know that minutes easily turn to hours. Hours turn to days, and days turn to weeks and eventually months. For someone with no routine or strategy, time is suddenly like sand through your fingers. But I can honestly say, this month has been one of the longest months of the year;

People. I forgot I was a people person. How can I forget that?
 I love people. I love learning about them, knowing them. Their history. Their past. Their happy memories or sad memories. Their routine and the way they carry themselves throughout the day. Some of these are subtle. Things you only notice but don't mention. Noticing the way some people's eyebrows furrow in frustration in comparison to people who raise them. Noticing the gaps between people's strides when they are walking, or how forcefully they open or close a door. Perhaps even the way that they talk, or the default look on someone's face when they aren't really concentrating or thinking of much. Noticing if a girl's foot wobbles in her 4 inch heel as she walks in her designer suit, or if she's cool as a cucumber. The way someone rides a bike. Wondering if the curls of a curly haired person will actually bounce if I pull them. Wondering if you scare that person: will they punch you or run away as a reflex? These are small pockets of pleasure in the form of people knowledge. It's fun to notice. It builds character.
Lately I've been around my favourite people. People with character, people who are familiar but at the same time surprising. I'm not talking about unbelievably boisterous personalities or 'greater than thou' charisma. Personality doesn't even come into the equation. It's all about Character. I can only admire and cherish character.

Unfortunately, being at Landau you tend to forget the positive people and let yourself drown amongst shit, fake, tactless and fickle. Those guys really don't matter. It's those who stay behind that count. And I must say, I was surprised to see who did stay behind. The best part was spending time because we wanted to, not because we had to; shopping, drinking, laughing, watching crappy films. It is sometimes the most simple of activities that we take for granted. I know now who I can trust at least. I am concerned how ever (as much as you are probably) about the fresh start of University. But that's another post for another day. The longshot. 


To end this: celebrations for Eid and marking the end of Ramadan are on its way. I wish you all the best and can only be thankful to achieve. Not the extent of my achievement, but the fact that I can do it, and to make that journey better, what better than a few great people to make limbo that extra bit better.


Peace and love to everyone.



Eid Mubarak. 

Dates anyone?

Hey Broheems!

Hope everyone has been well.

Currently, I feel like the epitome of inconsistency (sorry Aidan...), purely because my inconsistency depicted from this blog reflects the bigger picture: my life. Again, the big lag between tasks, burying one's head in the sand due to crunch time, and just generally not being with it all indicates that Rabia has once again lost it.

However! I didn't name this blog 'Limbo and Longshots' for nothing! Allow me to explain.

So right now, I'd like to call my situation a state of limbo. Not really going anywhere and waiting to be promoted to a better standard of whatever one may choose to achieve. Although, this may seem easy, dwindling within this period could be very traumatic in the long run. This is because the 'Longshot' in this case becomes even more of a longshot due to the huge delay of getting my backside into gear. I am not oblivious to this. I would rather call it failure to act due to the major fear of failure. This is why my body puts my mind in shut down to barricade any reminders of the time that is being wasted. I'm sure many of you have this problem. Perhaps the language I am using is very ambiguous, but at least you can relate to it (not that I am asking you to).

In my case, my A levels are huge longshot because of how much my life depends on them, but along with my A levels comes an achievement that would be more than an achievement. Only here can words cheapen my thoughts and fail to deliver my real problem. So apologies. I'll explain later! <--- (procrastination at its best). (Also, can you tell this is a Philosophy student in the making?) har har har.

This is beginning to sound a bit like a self obsessed diary. Apologies again.

What I actually came here for was to write about a little 'project'. An endurance test that would allow me to empathise slightly better and what not.

The Dates and Water err....diet? But no! its not a diet! screw that word. Its actually something the holy prophet did to eliminate the distraction of lavish food and therefore try come closer to the truth regarding life (and to remind certain fatties that food isn't really the most IMPORTANT thing in life, it's use as a necessity to survive. Many poor people didn't even have that necessity. Its just something to highlight that contrast). That's my depiction of it anyway. I'm doing it for a bit more self discipline. "Why don't you just turn off your laptop..." fair point. I always convince myself that I have work to do on here, but 9/10, I really don't.

I really need to get more religious.

So yes! instead of a Vlog, I'll do a blog. I have to start on an even day, to me an even day is ...Thursday. I'll keep you posted. (damn that saying never felt so right).

In the mean time, twilight really really really really sucks. (and yet I've watched both movies). Sigh.

Peace.

Doesn't look too bad. Does it?

Long time no see.

Hey guys,

Hope all is well.

Well - apparently, today is the most depressing day of the year. I hate to be sucked into this notion but unfortunately, I am.

August was the last time I posted a blog entry. That really was a long time ago. For many, it was a time full of prospects and opportunities which indeed I was amongst the many who felt this way. Somehow along the way I lost the positivity aura.

To put it in perspective - this is the last term that will make the most difference. Its all or nothing.

I was just dwelling on a few people from the past - how things have changed, how situations and characters and opportunities have changed. On one hand, people are getting pregnant left, right and centre. On the other hand, quite a few of my friends have obtained a place within Cambridge.

So...where do I fit into this? The worst thing in the world is to be called average. But that ladies and gentlemen, is what I'm turning out to be. This final term will hopefully give me enough time to turn that around.

I must say - why don't To Do lists never work! Mega crap.

Also crap - I failed my English exam. I can feel it in my bones.

Peace.

Love Love Love. College College College. JEREMY KYLE!

Hey Broheems!

So I had an interesting (almost rather heated argument) on the topic of love with a girl (whom I will not mention) in my class.
Yes, you guessed it - the topic was 'Love'.

Bearing in mind MOST teenagers are rather fickle, easily influenced and always think they are right...doesn't really give me the validity for her argument to be reliable.

Now. I don't know the ins and outs of her relationship but it all seems like sex sex sex and gorm gorm gorm at other boys. How can she even LOOK at another bloke if she already has the man of her dreams? Sometimes I look at other couples and think that what they have seems more genuine, however I wouldn't call it Love. Love happens over time. A LONG time. You have to face the challenges of life together to pass the test of LOVE. If it was love...why do people move around from partner to partner? This doesn't seem right for me.

LIFE ISN'T A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE.

*disclaimer* Yes you do get the odd ones who do stay together forever at a young age...but that was the 70's...you don't get that everyday. I admire that.

I could rant...do an entire essay....but my M key is broken....wahey! Basically, my conclusion is...she isn't in love. Silly infatuated girl.

Anyways!

I hope everybody had a good holiday. I've asked like 15 of you and 10 of you gave me a one word answer: Shit. Thankyou for your honesty. I admit, mine were pretty shit too. Sitting in front of the box with a tub (not a bowl) but a TUB of Ben and Jerry's ice cream watching actual screw ups embarrass themselves on the Jeremy Kyle show. Yes, I'm actually looking forward to the thought of college: Iron my suit with intensive care, STRAIGHTEN my hair (Gosh Golly!) and prepare...actually prepare some prework and folders for the lessons. Untill....I walk into college and I am overwhelmed by this feeling...this feeling of....'Wow...this is really shit!'. Landau - the people, the building, what it stands for - Utter utter crap. Its sickening and I hate the fact I'm there. I don't belong there. I stick out like a sore thumb and feel pretty thick, even though I know I'm not. But hey...I GOT AN 'A' IN PHILOSOPHY! Just have to stick the rest of it out now.

Anywho - Ramadan is on and its pretty good :) God bless you all. *cough*

You know it.

Peace.

Yes.

I want to

I need to

I have to

I am.

We Are Dancers

Hey Broheems! Seeing as it is the holidays and many of you have nothing to do - (believe me I was in your position a few days ago), I utilised my time by...

Haha, why did I do it I hear you ask? I just don't know.

Hello.

A blank page,

A reflection of my memories

For the good ones are lost,

Only to be rediscovered on this white, ruled canvas.

My days are ridged again.

A fear that my entity will collapse into time.

My goals are set, my path is paved.

My refusal to accept my potential.

My name is Rabia.

And I am on the brink of being lost.