Hello.
Long time no see.
What happened? What the hell happened? For now, passing judgement and answering that question seems like the stupid thing to do. Laying down mistakes and regrets seems like the easy thing to do. Finding and appreciating the little things around you without over thinking and thus putting things on hold - well that just seems like the perfect thing to do.
Looking down: rock bottom seems like the one place I mustn't get myself into. Being there now and looking up: I've been there all along. Family, friends, home, moderation and ease. Accepting or acknowledging these things just never came to my mind. Why? <---- who the phuck cares? this is a question that drags many people back. Especially me. Over sensitivity mixed with a quest for unrealistic success really phucks you up.
After exams finished, I didn't know what to do with myself, even though I fooled myself into thinking I did. A cluster full of unreachable goals just fuelled by hope and the prospect of unbelievable amounts of time. But to a procrastinator, a minute isn't even worth a penny and is therefore worthless. How can you respect something with no value? I had no value for time. We all know that minutes easily turn to hours. Hours turn to days, and days turn to weeks and eventually months. For someone with no routine or strategy, time is suddenly like sand through your fingers. But I can honestly say, this month has been one of the longest months of the year;
People. I forgot I was a people person. How can I forget that?
I love people. I love learning about them, knowing them. Their history. Their past. Their happy memories or sad memories. Their routine and the way they carry themselves throughout the day. Some of these are subtle. Things you only notice but don't mention. Noticing the way some people's eyebrows furrow in frustration in comparison to people who raise them. Noticing the gaps between people's strides when they are walking, or how forcefully they open or close a door. Perhaps even the way that they talk, or the default look on someone's face when they aren't really concentrating or thinking of much. Noticing if a girl's foot wobbles in her 4 inch heel as she walks in her designer suit, or if she's cool as a cucumber. The way someone rides a bike. Wondering if the curls of a curly haired person will actually bounce if I pull them. Wondering if you scare that person: will they punch you or run away as a reflex? These are small pockets of pleasure in the form of people knowledge. It's fun to notice. It builds character.
Lately I've been around my favourite people. People with character, people who are familiar but at the same time surprising. I'm not talking about unbelievably boisterous personalities or 'greater than thou' charisma. Personality doesn't even come into the equation. It's all about Character. I can only admire and cherish character.
Unfortunately, being at Landau you tend to forget the positive people and let yourself drown amongst shit, fake, tactless and fickle. Those guys really don't matter. It's those who stay behind that count. And I must say, I was surprised to see who did stay behind. The best part was spending time because we wanted to, not because we had to; shopping, drinking, laughing, watching crappy films. It is sometimes the most simple of activities that we take for granted. I know now who I can trust at least. I am concerned how ever (as much as you are probably) about the fresh start of University. But that's another post for another day. The longshot.
To end this: celebrations for Eid and marking the end of Ramadan are on its way. I wish you all the best and can only be thankful to achieve. Not the extent of my achievement, but the fact that I can do it, and to make that journey better, what better than a few great people to make limbo that extra bit better.
Peace and love to everyone.
Eid Mubarak.
